Breakdown

I thought I was doing so well.  I had the shelter.  I had my books.  I had twitter and goodreads to distract me and support me.  But its just not enough.  Days of needles.  Injections.  Drugs.  Every morning I get up extra early to go to daily monitoring appointments.  I'm super busy at work.  Working late daily.  Working Saturdays.  I just can't handle it all.  I want to scream, or cry.  But I haven't done either.  I don't think I can decide which side of that fence I'm on.  I have the biggest headache. 

March 10th.  That's my 2 year anniversary of trying to conceive.  I know that for some its not a long time.  Some women I know have been struggling for years and years and years.  But I just can't....  I'm so tired. How does someone find the strength to keep fighting this battle for so long?  My head hurts, my body hurts, my soul hurts.  The world is passing me by.  I can't make life decisions cuz I don't know where I'll be.  I can't plan vacations.  I can't start looking for a job in New York.  When we move I might be 4 or 5 months pregnant.  No one will hire a pregnant woman, so why look?  Or maybe I won't be pregnant, so I should start looking now.  UGH!!  My parents are asking constantly about the status of the cycle.  I know they want the best for us, but that's a little exhausting, too.  If it doesn't work, I let them down, again.  Its too much pressure.  I just want to curl up in bed with a tub of ice cream.  Or even just sleep.  Can I hibernate through the rest of this cycle?  That would be so great.